Little Infinities

There's a major benefit in always looking up.

Gotta love that Dominican sun. Even if it does burn my skin faster than you can say "¡Ay carumba!"

So, you're probably thinking, "What the hell is Sydney talking about? She doesn't write a blog post for weeks, then starts off writing some weird philosophical crap? That's stupid." Or, maybe you're not thinking that, who knows. But just read that phrase again, and I'll explain.

I was walking around E-town the other day and for some reason, I had the desire to look up and for the first time I really noticed the beautiful buildings and sky. Sure, it's usually cloudy, like, 150% of the time here, but the sky was breathtaking. I know this sounds cheesy and lame and trite, but I honestly think this is important. As college students, and really just as human beings in general, we spend the majority of our time running place to place and rarely ever stop to take in our surroundings. I know that I'm definitely guilty of that. On an average day, I'm running late to class or running to a meeting or I'm trapped in the library studying and I never stop for a second to enjoy my beautiful surroundings. 

This planet really is extraordinary, isn't it? 

When I looked up at the buildings, I realized that I need to start doing that more often, and I have since started to do just that. So, in the literal sense of the phrase, looking upward provides a major benefit. But, this phrase also means something completely separate: positivity.

As a young adult who has dealt with some pretty crippling anxiety, positivity has not always been something I have provided myself with. 

I'm almost always critical of myself. I'm almost always thinking that others hate me or that I've done something wrong. I'm almost always worrying that I'm not good enough. I'm almost always thinking that guys don't find me attractive. I'm not saying this to gain pity from others. I'm starting to realize that treating myself this way is so stupid. I have a wonderful life, school is going really well, and I have an amazing family and incredible friends. Sometimes, I'm just way too hard on myself, and I need to stop that. I need to stop focusing on my negatives and embrace the positives.

I need to start looking up. And I have. Life can be amazing and there's no use wasting time on stupid thoughts.

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Any way, after that little inspirational introduction, I would like to say "Hello!" and folks, I'm back! Why have I been away so long? Well, finals week happened, then Spring Break, and I decided I really wanted to limit my technology use over my break to fully relax. Now, I'm back in school, and have missed writing here so much. So many wonderful things have happened in the past couple of weeks. It's time to celebrate them/tell you about them so I can further procrastinate on my endless list of reading homework.

Over Spring Break, as I'm sure most of you saw via Facebook, I went to the Dominican Republic with my wonderful mom and dad. More specifically, I visited Punta Cana, and oh man was it beautiful.

I took this picture, I swear. No photoshop. No filters. Just pure, tropical beauty.

While I was there, I relaxed more than I think I ever have. My mom, dad, and I laid on the beach or by the pool every day, had some piñas, and just enjoyed the ever-present state of being.

Just keep swimming.

That view, though.

Did I mention there was a swim-up bar? ¡Qué chevere!

What was even better than relaxing by the beach, however, was hanging out with my parents. I realize that I am probably one of the only young adult college students who loves hanging out with her parents. And you know what? I don't care, because my parents are awesome and if you met them, you'd agree. My mom and I pulled my dad into the pool when he was sleeping and I laughed when my parents attempted to speak Spanish and we all simultaneously gagged when we saw topless ladies walking along the beach. 

There really is no one else I'd rather spend five days vacation with than my parents. They're loving, hilarious, and truly the best. I love them and feel so lucky to have such a tight relationship with them.

I don't even care that I look bad in this picture because I love them so much.

Another great thing about my parents is that they tolerate, and actually indulge in, my love of taking pictures.

S/o to the fake, neon palm tree behind me.

My mama is so pretty.

When we were taking pictures, my parents were perplexed as to why I was posing with my hand on my hips, as shown above. I simply explained to them that I was "skinny arm-ing" and they were fascinated. They've obviously never been to a sorority event before... Then, I wanted to take a picture of my parents and this happened:

Mama is ROCKING dat skinny arm.

Without prompting, my mom did the skinny arm pose and said "Do I look cute like you, now?". My eyes welled up with tears of sheer happiness. My mom is the cutest. And my dad was rocking those salmon-orange pants like a pro. So proud of them.

In summary, the Dominican Republic was amazing. This was my first time out of the U.S., and I loved every minute of it. I feel so lucky and blessed to have been able to go on that amazing vacation with the ones I love.

Throwing what I know: Chi O.

In addition to discovering a tropical paradise, I had a couple days home in Columbus, and naturally I used them to hang out with my sister, brother, niece, and nephew. While I forgot to take pictures of my adorable nephew Sammy, I did manage to snap some of my sister and niece while spending the day with them.

My beautiful sister Sommer and my niece Maya.

Between some delish Northstar, Jeni's, cocktails, coffee, and T.V. watching, it was the perfect day of bonding. Side note, every time I pulled out my camera, Maya yelled "Cheese!!!" and made the face as shown above and below.

Look at those pointy, little Gollum teeth!

At Jeni's there was a giant chalkboard, so naturally Maya was loving it. But, she couldn't get onto one of the stools without my help. She looked at me while trying to scale the stool and said, "See-yid, help. Pwease?" Who could deny helping that face?

Yeah, she pronounces Syd "See-yid". It's adorbz.

The rest of the day consisted of watching The Food Network with my sister while Maya napped and watching my sister trash talk about Giada De Laurentiis, or as she calls her, "Tits McGee".

Her words, not mine.

So, that was a great time. Having my sister and brother in Columbus now is so awesome! 

Hmm what else did I do over break? Well, I read The Fault In Our Stars by John Green and balled my eyes out. It was casual.

"Okay?" "Okay."

But in all seriousness, this book changed my life.

I know I sound like a stereotypical teenage girl by gushing about this book. I know. Go ahead and judge me if you see fit, but it really is an amazing book. I bookmarked probably close to 30 quotes I loved, but the one that I still think about daily is the one that I believe has changed my life (WARNING: SPOILERS):

"Almost everyone is obsessed with leaving a mark upon the world. Bequeathing a legacy. Outlasting death. We all want to be remembered. I do, too. That's what bothers me most, is being another unremembered casualty in the ancient and inglorious war against disease.

I want to leave a mark.

But Van Houten: The marks humans leave are too often scars. You build a hideous minimal or start a coup or try to become a rock star and you think, 'They'll remember me now," but (a) they don't remember you, and (b) all you leave behind are more scars. Your coup becomes a dictatorship. Your minimal becomes a lesion.

(Okay, maybe I'm not such a shitty writer. But I can't pull my ideas together, Van Houten. My thoughts are stars I can't fathom into constellations.)

We are like a bunch of dogs squirting on fire hydrants. We poison the groundwater with our toxic piss, marking everything MINE in a ridiculous attempt to survive our deaths. I can't stop pissing on fire hydrants. I know it's silly and useless--epically useless in my current state--but I am an animal like any other. 

Hazel is different. She walks lightly, old man. She walks lightly upon the earth. Hazel knows the truth: We're as likely to hurt the universe as we are to help it, and we're not likely to do either. 

People will say it's sad that she leaves a lesser scar, that fewer remember her, that she was loved deeply but not widely. But it's not sad, Van Houten. It's triumphant. It's heroic. Isn't that the real heroism? Like the doctors say: First, do no harm.

The real heroes anyway aren't the people doing things; the real heroes are the people NOTICING things, paying attention."

-Augustus Waters

I know that this quote is kind of controversial because it's making a huge statement against people who do positive actions to change the world. And with that respect, I disagree with it. I think that every human should strive for their best in life and to never settle. But that's not exactly what this quotation is talking about. Rather, it's saying that in life, often so many people become obsessed with leaving behind a legacy or becoming famous to be remembered for years past death or doing something or discovering something that creates some sort of personal legacy and within these actions and motives, we as humans get caught up in trivialities and lose sight of what life is about.

In my opinion, life is about loving those close to you a lot, showing strength in times of adversity, and always striving for greater truths. What this book showed is that many people are not lucky enough to live long enough to leave behind a legacy. But that doesn't mean that their lives were useless. They left a legacy with their close friends and family, and touched the hearts of those closest to them. And in that way, they changed the world. 

This completely changed my view on the purpose of life. I've always been obsessed with discovering something or creating something that would change the world. But I've been obsessed with these things to please others, and have completely disregarded the fact that I must first focus on pleasing myself before I can even remotely hope to please others. It's cheesy, but I think it's true. You don't need to leave behind a huge, famous legacy to have made a difference in the world. 

You just need to treat those around you with love, insights, and kindness. 

In this way, you can change the world.

Ya got me, John Green. Ya got me.

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"We have lingered in the chambers of the sea

By sea-girls wreathed with seaweed red and brown

Till human voices wake us, and we drown."

-Poem recited by Hazel in The Fault In Our Stars by John Green