I've had a lot of successes in the past week, which I am so grateful for. Not Our Forte is a legitimate group with such talented singers. They're all hilarious, too, which is definitely a plus. I've been contacted by multiple news sources on campus to be interviewed about starting the group with my friends, and it feels so great! I honestly feel so flattered that other students think we're a worthwhile story and that we've actually succeeded in our pursuits. We have had, what, three practices at this point? We're already a family, and I love it. I feel like I've known these crazy kids for years. I'm so excited to see what we accomplish and what beautiful music we create over the next couple of years. Side note: word on the street is that people think because our name is "Not Our Forte" that means that we all can't sing. That is false. We can, in fact, sing, and we would happily challenge any non-believers to a sing-off a la Pitch Perfect.
<3 NOF Love <3
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| Dan and Matt can whistle and hum at the same time. My mind is blown. |
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| Our game of telephone charades took a dark turn when I interpreted "wizard" as "masochistic prostitute"...........don't ask me what goes on in my mind, I have no answer for you. |
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| The laughs are endless and at rehearsal. It's the best. |
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| NOF Love: from our family, to yours. (This picture is missing our newest boy, Ben. Sorry Ben!) |
Another recent happening has made me just as happy: I was appointed to be the Managing Editor for STITCH Fashion Magazine on campus! This past year, I have served on STITCH Exec Board as the Director of Fundraising & Advertising. When I applied to be on STITCH Exec again, I honestly thought I didn't even have a shot at Managing Editor, but I went for it any way. And I got it! I'm so excited to serve on STITCH exec again and to work with some really amazing people.
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| We have some big editor shoes to fill after these amazing people. |
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AND, as if that wasn't enough good news, I just found out that I've been approved by Northwestern to study abroad in London for Fall Quarter!!! I still need to apply to Goldsmiths College individually, but STILL! I'm almost there!
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| Cue The Clash! |
So, why do I still feel like I'm in a funk? I know I shouldn't be. This quarter has been damn long, but I've enjoyed the majority of my classes. I've had no major, distressing conflicts with anyone, and I feel like everything is going pretty well.........except for my love life.
Now, I don't want this to turn into a whiny journal where I bitch about how I don't have a boyfriend. I'm pretty happy being single, actually. That's not my problem. My problem is that I physically cannot talk to guys who I find really attractive. Either that, or if I do talk to them, I come off EXTREMELY sarcastic (like, more than I already am), and I'm sure that scares them off. My crippling anxiety with guys has always been around. In high school, I was a really shy person in all aspects. I had a small group of friends, never talked up in class, and most people didn't know who I was because I just kind of hid in my shell 24/7. When I came to college, I decided I wanted to be a different person in this respect. So, I forced myself to be really outgoing, and thus, I transformed. Most people here at school know me as being outgoing a lot of the time.
But the one area where I never changed was with boys.
I have a lot of guy friends, and I have no trouble talking to guys in different contexts, but the instant I am super attracted to a guy, I freeze. I actually become a deer in headlights. This realization came to me when I went to a Sigma Nu party last night.
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| In case you didn't know, New Girl is based on my life. |
Sigma Nu is without a doubt my favorite fraternity on campus. The guys are all very sweet, a bunch of my guy friends are members, and I am extremely attracted to a solid 80% of the guys. Which makes last night all the more crippling. As a single gal, all I wanted to do last night was hang out with friends, relax after completing a slew of exams and papers, and flirt. There was one guy in particular who I really wanted to talk to. Having never met before, all I wanted to do was introduce myself. But I just. couldn't. do it. The whole night I could see him looking at me and I at him, but neither of us actually interacted. It sucked. My awesome friend Matt even tried wing-manning for me, and every time I felt like the guy was about to talk to me, I ran away.
Why?? Just, why?
Why?? Just, why?
How can I beat my social anxiety with attractive boys? Am I doomed to a life of writing anonymous NU Crushes and spitting out sarcasm and physically running away from all guys I find attractive?
Who knows.
Maybe one day I'll be able to do more than introduce myself, shake a guy's hand, and run away. But as for right now, it seems that that is all I am capable of. Damn anxiety.
Also, I swear to God that someone who works for Buzzfeed stalks my life, because this article is just my life, 100%:
I know that I should be happy with who I am. And I really am, honestly. I feel like in this past year, I have accepted myself even more, I am finally pursuing my dreams (sorry for the cliché), and I am succeeding at the things I am doing. If I can just gain a bit more confidence with those cute guys, I feel like I'll feel much better.
Oh well. I guess it's best to keep on focusing on the positives. And, to blog more. This really is the perfect therapy for me.
Hey, since you read through all of my whining/celebrating, enjoy this:
Wait, I just realized you could have easily just looked at the pictures. If you did that and didn't actually read my post, well, I honestly don't blame you because I wrote a lot. I was gonna yell at you, then I realized I barely ever actually read things that people write..........so, this is awkward.
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"If it's both terrifying and amazing, then you should definitely pursue it."
-Erada
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