{DISCALIMER: This post is cheesy and cliché in many ways. Sorry, I'm not sorry. Read at your own leisure.}
Today, I visited an elderly couple with my mom. Both used to live in a small village in Italy, then moved to Columbus's Little Italy neighborhood, then a condominium where my mom delivers Holy Communion once a month (they are, understandably so, very Catholic). Although I only spoke with them for about ten minutes, they, in combination with my mom, inspired me more than anything or anyone has in a long time.
Lately, I've been freaking out about my life a LOT.
Questions such as…
"What am I going to do with my life?"
and
"Will the profession I choose make me happy for as long as I'll need?"
and
"Will I ever find true love?"
and
"Will I make a true difference in this world during my life?"
and many, many more slither through my mind like poison, taunting me on the daily.
Yet today, after speaking with both my mom and the elderly couple, I realized a couple of things.
I am only 20 years old. For some reason ever since my 20th birthday (a whopping 3 weeks ago), I have felt much older than I actually am. BUT I'M ONLY 20. I'm a sophomore in college. I have so much life and so many opportunities ahead of me. Why the hell am I freaking out so much?
Maybe it's because I'm such an old soul. I really connected with the elderly couple, and ever since I can remember, I've always felt older than I am, and have had a huge affinity for old things (old jewelry, old music, old beauty, old photographs, etc.). No matter the reason, I realized that I should stop worrying so much about my future. For once in my life, I should embrace not having a set in stone plan. I should explore what this great world provides.
I want to travel.
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| The old style map of London hanging in my room at home. |
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| The sewing cave. |
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| I'm actually in love with my new turntable. I told you I'm an old soul. |
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| Please ignore my Christmas Morning no makeup look as I hold my new records. |
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| The proof is on the wall. |
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| The texts I will be reading this next quarter. |
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| Good lord, we all have huge foreheads. |
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| At least I can make fun of myself…? |
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| A constant reminder. |
As a side note, conversing with the elderly couple was a real life example of true love. Married for 50 years now, it was obvious that although both were a little out of touch with reality and not as sharp as they once were. The love they had for each other, however, was evident in their simple looks at one another. I hope to have a love like that one day. But for the first time in my life, I'm in no rush. Guys suck at this age (sorry boys, but you know it's at least kind of true). I'm so happy building myself up and developing my life. I am more than happy to wait for the right guy to come into my life.
It's really amazing what one can do given the right amount of courage, fortitude, and passion. And I intend to pursue what makes me happy. Like my mama said, "Life is too short to be unhappy." Yeah, it's cliché. Yeah, it's been said in every ABC Family original movie ever. But if you actually stop and think about it, it's so true. We, as humans, have no clue when we're going to die. For all I know, I could die in my sleep tonight (although I sincerely hope that doesn't happen). Too many people go through life hating what they're doing, and I really don't want to be one of those people. I work too damn hard at school and have sacrificed too many hours studying to just settle with a career I'm unhappy with.
The same philosophy goes for every other aspect of my life. Hobbies, love, my personality, my happiness, everything. I deserve to be happy just as much as any human being does. And I am going to do everything in my power to continue making a happy life for myself.
I just need to learn to stop. and breathe. and realize how much life there is left to live and how many opportunities await me.
Life is really an amazing thing. And it's meant to be lived, not survived.
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