Swiping, Waiting, Wishing: How Tinder Has Prepared Me for the Job Application Process

When I downloaded Tinder a year ago, I did it for the novelty of it all. Its gross superficiality repulsed me and made me truly question my generation and the future of pure, romantic relationships. But I regrettably jumped on the bandwagon, checked it out, and went along with my generation. At first, I was horrified at how superficial it was-- but then I thought critically about the premise of the app. In the real world, if you go to a bar trying to meet new people, you essentially do exactly what you would do if you were sitting at home in sweatpants with a glass of wine, sifting through Tinder. From a psychological standpoint, our brain makes decisions and judgments of people in split seconds. Out in the real world, if you were to survey a bar, you would decide who you wanted to pursue or run away from  almost immediately. Tinder is the same premise, only condensed in our tiny smart phone screens. And that's how I justified my decision.

Over the course of a year, I have deleted and re-downloaded Tinder more times than I'm proud to admit. There have been months where I've gone without it and months where I've gone on so many dates (absolutely wonderful and tragically awful), I have enough material to write a book. (My love life is actually the plot to a bad sitcom, in case any one was wondering). But this post isn't about Tinder or really my dating escapades in my early twenties: if you've read some of my other posts, you know that I've already shared too much of my love life. Rather, as a senior in college going through the stressful job application process, I have noticed tremendous parallels between Tinder dating and trying to get hired.

Sending a cover letter via email to the company of your dreams is exactly like swiping right on someone on Tinder. You put yourself out there. You've made your decision, and all that follows is the waiting game. You've thrown yourself out into the void, awaiting a response. With both Tinder and job applications, you advertise and brand yourself. For example, my Tinder profile picture is a side-by-side photo comparison of me looking just like the Wayne's World character, Garth. This photo choice allows me to show possible suitors that I don't take Tinder or myself too seriously, I love to be goofy, and am not concerned about being seen as "sexy" in my profile. Similarly in my cover letters, I try to make my personality shine through with words. Yet, at the end of the day, trying to fit your whole self into a tiny bio on an app or a one page Word document is probably one of the hardest trivial pursuits our generation is faced with.

After submitting an application or swiping right on a cute guy, the waiting game begins. I could never hear from that company (or guy) ever. This past week, I have applied to over half of the advertising agencies on my list and am now waiting to hear back. Waiting to receive an email back from these companies is like waiting to receive a text from a guy. Similar to a guy, I could hear a correspondence back, reply, have a great conversation, then never hear from that company again. The job application process, like dating, is the ultimate crap shoot.

I am Drake.

While Tinder can be awful at times (how many times have I received the "Sit on my face" message? Answer: Too many damn times), it does help facilitate good practice with first dates. More importantly, I have come to realize that first dates are really just like informal interviews. You are presenting yourself in such a way to show this person you are a real human, not just a name and a picture on a phone. Through the Tinder dates, I have learned what to say during awkward silences. I know which questions to ask and which to avoid. I know how to read people. I have learned when to dip and when to stay. And most importantly, I have learned  who I am as a person and what I want for myself. All of these qualities are absolutely necessary for the postgraduate job search.

As I prepare myself for what I *hope* is a busy interview season, I am keeping all of these skills in my back pocket. Waiting to hear back from a cute guy you feel you click with is stressful: but what's more, waiting to hear back from your dream job is even worse. After all, I think at this point in my life it is more important to prioritize career over men, but that's just the feminist in me popping out.

The what-ifs inevitably come rushing in: what if they don't like me? What if I'm not qualified for them? What if I used too many exclamation points? Dammit, I knew I should have deleted one of those, they probably think I'm an overexcited nut bag now.

The post-grad job search, similar to dating, is all about presenting oneself in the most positive, yet realistically honest light. A lot of it is a numbers game. The more places you apply, the greater your chances. A lot of it is just a waiting game.

It's nerve-wracking.

What helps to calm my nerves is my belief in fate. I'm a true believer in fate in many, if not all aspects of my life. I believe that there is a plan for me that is already predetermined that has yet to be played out. That being said, this doesn't mean that I just sit on the sidelines and wait for it to happen. We humans direct our fate through our actions. And this is exactly what I'm doing. I'm working hard, presently the best version of myself possible, and trying to remind myself that it will all be okay in the end. I know through the job search, like dating, I will find my perfect match eventually.

But until I get to that point, the most important part is to enjoy the journey.

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"Be so good they can't ignore you."

-Steve Martin

Reflections at Green Mill

Thursday was one of the best days I've had in a long time.

Spontaneity often is not present in my life, but something propelled me into that state on Thursday. At the risk of getting too deep, the past couple of months have been pretty mentally and emotionally rough for me. While I have been taking prescription anti-depressants for severe anxiety and mild depression since January 2014, the past couple months have not particularly fostered a happy mental state.

While I know all people experience anxiety and depression in varying manners and my experience is not at all representative of each and every individual's experiences with depression, I experienced feelings so low, I had not been so down in quite a while. I attribute the majority of my depressive feelings to my illness Winter Quarter, and the intense learning curve that I had to endure upon returning to Northwestern Spring Quarter. My body was still extremely feeble, my mind was not prepared for Northwestern's academic wrath, and I felt so behind in all of my different social circles. The amalgamation of these factors caused me to spiral into a horrifying depression. Luckily for me, however, I am blessed to have incredible parents, siblings, and best friends who all helped me and guided me through the process of finding a professional to talk to.

That day in May that I called Northwestern's Counseling and Psychological Services number, my life turned around for the better.

Since talking to a psychologist about my depression and anxiety, I've seen a huge change in my life. More spontaneity, more happiness, and most importantly, more self compassion.

And this leads me to the present: life is amazing. Sure, I have days where the depression sinks in, but now I am at the point where I know what to do to get myself out of that state, and into a more positive state of mind.

While I've had many incredible days and moments so far this summer, Thursday is representative of them all. In the early afternoon, I jumped on the L equipped with my Microeconomics textbook and notes, unsure of where I would dispatch. This spontaneity filled me with an overwhelming feeling of autonomy and confidence.

Eventually I decided to depart at the Belmont red line stop, as I have recently fallen in love with the Lakeview/Boystown region of Chicago. I wandered around until I found a coffee shop called Osmium, and settled there with my chapters of game theory to read and my extremely strong iced coffee to consume. I really should have put more sugar in it in hindsight.

As if it were meant to be, the instant I finished reading the last sentence of my required reading, my friend and twin Molly walked into the cafe, swooped me up, and we tarried on.

Wandering down Belmont, we passed a piercing and tattoo parlor, where Molly mentioned how much she wanted to get another piercing. We walked past the parlor, but within a couple paces, I stopped our walking pattern, turned us around, and suggested being impulsive and getting a piercing. 

Sorry Mama and Daddy, I did indeed get "another hole in my head".

While I bled a lot, there was barely any pain and Molly and I were able to continue on our Wes Anderson worshipper-esque adventure.

Molly the goddess pre-piercing.

Wandering through Lakeview, we stumbled into numerous adorable shops, clothing stores, and even an exotic, super exclusive store called "Bed Bath & Beyond". We tried on Elsa and Anna baseball hats and I *might* have lice now. Worth it? NOPE.

(jk I don't have lice, I have very clean, bug free hair)

After eating a burrito that legitimately changed my life (if you're close to me, you've probably heard this story a nauseating amount of times at this point but DEAL WITH IT because that burrito was mad real. La Tacorea, I will be back. Probably at least ten thousand more times before I die.

As the sun began to set, and Molly and I had walked an immeasurable amount of miles, we head toward the L once again to go to Uptown. It was time to SCHWING!

Yeah, more like: 

Oh, Green Mill Tavern, I owe you so much. Within the course of two hours, you transported me to the 1930s, brought back so many high school jazz band feels, and made me feel so incredibly connected to myself and the world.

I don't really know how to concretely describe the feelings I felt at Green Mill's swing dancing night, but if I had to choose one word, it would be "refreshed". It felt as if I completely belonged in a single space. Alright, alright, this is your chance to interject a hipster or grandma joke. Yes, the two main demographics were hipsters and individuals 85 and up. That really shouldn't surprise you.

After sipping on a glass of white wine, and pounding back an Old Fashioned, Molly and I were itching to groove. We stood next to the dance floor in the hope a lad would ask us to dance. Really, we wanted to dance with one of the 85+ men (not in a creepy way, I promise. They all were super talented swing dancers!). Finally, I was asked to dance by a middle-aged British gent. He was sweet and twirled me around, so I could properly show off my dress. It's as if this rando new I sewed that particular dress solely for the purpose of swing dancing.

Oh, and so I didn't have to buy another dress for sorority recruitment.

I miss playing my trombone after watching these guys jam.

Molly and I are both old people at heart, and began getting sleepy around 11pm and ducked out. I felt I always knew this, but spending time at Green Mill further reinforced the fact that I am a progressive old soul. What the hell do I mean by this? While the majority of my views and stances on different issues are liberal and progressive, I am ultimately an old soul at heart. I love old jazz music. I love the community that I felt in that swing club. While I most definitely consider myself to be a feminist, I still love the idea of a man coming up to me, asking me to dance, treating me with respect and love and equality. At the end of the day, I am a hopeless romantic, and I just hope that there are still people on this planet who are like me. 

After all, all I really want is someone to eat pizza and drink beer with while watching Parks and Rec for the fifth time through.

That's right, two Parks and Rec GIFs in one post, deal with it.

In addition to these realizations, I just felt such a strong sense of myself. In that two hour span, I was 100% confident, happy, and content with life. For someone who has been so unhappy for the past couple of months, this was huge for me. This summer, I have worked on things that make me feel passionate and self-compassionate: learning photography skills, writing copy for CivitasNow, reading poetry, and preparing for my quickly approaching post-grad life.

I'm proud of these photos I created:

I have spent time inside of a hot air ballon. I have been spanked by gay guys doused in glitter on the street. I have been reunited with the best ice cream in the world. I have fallen in love with a neighborhood of Chicago. This summer has been incredible.

An artistic rendering of Wicker Park.

This summer definitely hasn't been easy for me. It's been a whirlpool complete with a horrible guy from my past at the very beginning, challenging classes, an incredible guy near the middle, chaos, insecurities, adventures, anxiety, humid days, best friends, good food, and feeling like I'm becoming myself fully again. Sure, there are still days where I have no energy to shower and live life and just want to watch Mad Men for ten hours while sulking, but this summer has helped me to do less of that and more of the actual living. I feel as if I am coming back to life. My life is mine again, and I intend to live it to the absolute fullest.

I feel so alive, and all is becoming good again. 

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"Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself."

-Robert Frost

I Want You To Want Me

I really hate this day.

Photo credit: Phoebe. Meme credit: Me. 

Now, before you think, "Oh, Sydney's just bitter because she's single and is spending her day eating chocolate biscuits and whiskey and listening to Spotify break-up playlists", just hear me out.

Here's the thing about Valentine's Day: if you love someone in your life, shouldn't you let them know that you love them every day? Shouldn't you do random acts of love just for the heck of it to show them that you don't need a day designated by Hallmark to show your affection only one day a year?

Literally, me today.

I don't know, that's just what I think about this day. Maybe I'm just asking for too much out of people. After all, every one of the relationships and "things" I've had with guys in my life so far ended because I expected too much out of them.

Let's examine this claim though, shall we? I'm probably biased, but if you know me, you know that when it comes to relationships, I don't really ask much of the person I'm with. My idea of a fun date could be anything from sitting inside, watching Netflix together or going for a walk in a park. I don't require fancy restaurant dates or being taken to fancy concerts or whatever. (Although, I do love that stuff occasionally. All girls and guys do). 

All that I ever ask from the guys I'm with is that they care for me as much as I care for them. In every relationship I'm in, I find myself always being the one to do romantic things for my partner. But let me clarify something: these "romantic gestures" aren't big. Most of the time, they're as simple as telling them how much I appreciate them and enjoy being with them. Texting them to see if they're having a good day. Holding their hand and letting them know that I'm there for them if they ever need me. Call me crazy, but I don't think that's a lot to expect out of someone you're romantically involved with...

People say I get attached too fast. People say I care too much and that I need to wait a long time before showing affection toward boys-- and I guess that's something I need to work on before getting into another relationship. But the thing is, this is just who I am. I act this way with my friends, too. I care for people. I love to show people that I love them. I love seeing people happy and loved and cared for. That's who I am, and why should I change who I am just to conform to the majority of the population?

Something something "love is conformity" emo poem blah blah. 

I guess it's just a way to prevent myself from getting hurt in my next relationship. The fact is that if I show people how much I care too soon, I'll be used like I have been way too many times in the past.

And honestly, I'm done with that shit.

I've been thinking about how I am in relationships and why I get hurt so much and I've come to the conclusion that there's a fundamental flaw in our society in people under 30. 

I recently read an article in Cosmopolitan Magazine titled, "Why College Dating Is So Messed Up?", and it described so perfectly what I've been trying to put into words for so long.

The article makes a lot of really great points, and I encourage all to read it (even you, guys: everyone experiences to some extent what this article describes). What I found to be the most interesting point for why dating people in my age group is so screwed up is what author Charlotte Lieberman calls the "whoever cares less wins" game. 

We're all Patrick here.

Think about it: if you met an attractive guy or gal and got their phone number, what is usually your next step? Do you text or call them right away? Of course you don't! You wait. You pretend like you could absolutely care less if you ever hear from them. But is that how you really feel? Maybe in some cases it is, but I would dare to say that in the majority, that's not the case.

While I can only speak for the female heterosexual community (as that is the only one I have personal experience from), what I've observed and have even practiced myself is this "whoever cares less wins" waiting game. And I can bet with great confidence that everyone, regardless of your sexual orientation or gender identification, has experienced something similar.

I can't tell you how many times I've been in a room with my girlfriends, surrounding a cell phone, waiting for it to light up with the name of the boy of interest. So many of my friends, including myself, have received texts from a person of romantic interest and then began this "Waiting Game". Why? Because, oh no, I can't text them back right away, that would seem too eager! But I can't wait too long or else then they might think I'm not interested. I'll wait, hmm, let's say 12 minutes. I can't wait 10 minutes because then they'll totally know I'm waiting on purpose. Yeah, 12 minutes sounds perfect.

Bullshit. It's all just bullshit. And we're all guilty of it! And if you're not guilty of this, then kudos to you for not getting sucked into society's greatest web of denial and lies.

I wish we would all just stop playing this stupid game. If you like someone and you're interested in seeing where things might go romantically, just text him or her! If they think you're "too eager" or whatever shit, then you wouldn't want to be with them any way. 

That's what I think, at least. 

On second thought, maybe you shouldn't take advice from me on account of the fact that my dating track record isn't very good... I've dated about five guys: two casually, and three in official relationships. I have yet to be in a relationship that has lasted longer than four months. Yeah, so, not exactly the best track record.

Chuck Bass understands me.

What I've realized is this: I tend to just choose the wrong guys. I'm not sure why, but it just kind of happens. My mom stated it best when she said that I'm in love with the idea of being in love. Yet, so much so that I fail to choose a guy who treats me the way I deserve to be treated because I want to be loved so badly. That probably explains why I've remained in so many bad relationships when I should have had the sense to see how I was being treated and move on. I just want love; which can be very dangerous. 

You know what? Screw it. I'm not going to change the way I am toward other people. I will always care for and love others. What I will change, however, is my caution toward others and the love toward myself. I will begin to make sure I can trust people before giving them my whole heart. I will wait for them to reciprocate and show me their heart. And, I will learn to love myself enough to know what I deserve. It's only fair.

So, yeah: I'm single for yet another Valentine's Day. So what? Yeah, it sucks to see people posting pictures of their presents from significant others on Facebook and walking around the mall watching couples hold hands and kiss. It sucks to think that tonight I will cuddle with my dog (which really isn't a bad thing), probably catch up on Parks & Rec, and turn in around 10:30 to my empty bed where I am a lone spoon. I won't wake up to a kiss on the cheek or breakfast in bed or a soft whisper in my ear.

None of this will happen for me.

But, I am totally okay with this because I live with the hope that one day I will be able to share my love with a handsome, funny, intelligent, goofy, caring, perfectly imperfect man. And until that day, I will continue living happily and proudly single. I'm proud of the type of person I am, what I have achieved, and I don't need a man to be fulfilled. Men are simply complementary to the successful, happy life I am building for myself.

If there's one thing I've learned through heartbreak, it is that love doesn't only have to come from someone you're romantically involved with. It definitely can and hopefully does, but that is not and definitely should not be your only source of love.

Love can come from family, friends, strangers, parents, acquaintances, nature, pets, co-workers, all of the above and more. So, if you're going through heartbreak today, remember: there are so many people in this world who love you. And many times, this love is stronger and more enduring than many romantic forms of love.

Embrace it. 

A snapshot of my brother and his fiancee, Rachael.

My Elliott.

The love between a father and his son.

Strangers helping each other out. 

If you're happily spending today with your significant other, don't let anyone rain on your parade. Enjoy the love or affection or whatever it is you share with that person with joy. If you're sad today, be sad. Cry if you want or need to, but remember: you're not alone in this vast world.

Dr. Richard Nygard is a GOD.

Feel any and every emotion you want to feel today, and don't let anyone tell you how you have to feel. Just because it's Valentine's Day doesn't mean you have to be madly in love with the person of your dreams. You can do whatever you damn please because this is your life and you get to choose how you wish to live it. 

Yeah, I'm that person who takes creepy pics of cute couples in parks in London.

Whether it's your husband, wife, boyfriend, girlfriend, life partner, best friend, dog, cat, bottle of wine, parents, siblings, nieces, nephews, cousins, friends, or yourself: love the one you're with today.

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"It is both a blessing

And a curse

To feel everything

So very deeply"

101 Things in 1001 Days

Being bored absolutely sucks.

But, if there's one thing I've realized this past month being home, sometimes you just need to suck it up, accept your circumstances, and move forward. It took me a while to realize that this time at home is actually awesome. One day I just kind of realized that I can do whatever I want to do. I can plan things, try new things I've never done before, and be on Pinterest for hours on end (and boy have I).

One day last week, I was aimlessly scrolling through Facebook--as I do pretty much 24/7--and I read a fantastic article posted and written by my friend and sister in Chi Omega, Sharon. The topic? Her decision to begin experimenting with makeup and incorporating it into her daily routine. As Sharon describes in her article, she started incorporating makeup into her daily routine as part of a greater challenge: "101 Things in 1001 Days".

I read the article Sharon linked in her article describing the challenge, and was instantly inspired. There are many beautiful aspects to this challenge: firstly, you have 1001 days to complete it. That is roughly (according to my handy-dandy calculator) 2.74246575 years. Almost 3 years. I don't know about you, but that seems like a more realistic time span to complete larger goals and to change habits. This excited me because every year, I make New Year's Resolutions in January, and easily become disappointed come November/December because I haven't accomplished nearly everything I wanted to.

Additionally, you get to completely customize the challenge to your lifestyle. You choose everything and anything you want to complete. The only hard part is actually brainstorming 101 things. It went quickly at first, then slowed a bit for me. But, behold, I brainstormed 101 things, and began. Thank you so much for inspiring me to to complete this challenge, Sharon! I hope I am able to inspire others as you have inspired me.

Start date: January 29th, 2015

End date: October 26th, 2017

In no particular order of significance, here is my list:
(*purple=in progress*)

Health & Fitness:

1) start doing yoga regularly

2) meditate for 10 minutes each day

I will *litrally* be so zen.

3) lose 30 lbs.

4) complete a half marathon

5) put lotion on my arms every night

6) work out at least 4 days/week (exception: vacation)

7) go rock climbing in an indoor gym

8) go without coffee for a week

9) go without meat for a week

10) floss daily for 2 weeks straight

11) go 2 weeks without drinking soda

12) go 24 hours without using any form of social media

13) go without unhealthy food for a month

14) actually learn how to ride my longboard

15) get at least 8 hours of sleep a night for 2 weeks

16) take a swing dancing class
17) weight train at least 3 days per week

If you wanna see how uncoordinated I am, take the class with me!

DIY/Arts & Crafts:

18) learn how to be a better photographer

19) finish sewing my quilt

20) learn how to weave

21) learn how to screen print

22) learn how to play the guitar

23) start a cactus garden

24) sew a kimono cardigan

25) do a 30-day photo challenge

26) write a piece for HelloGiggles.com

27) grow a plant from seeds & keep it alive

28) create a new inspiration board

29) learn how to do a french braid

30) do something creative with my old concert t-shirts

31) sew at least 10 pieces of clothing for myself

It's time to fire up the sweat shop again!

32) finish Nyan Cat cross stitch

33) learn how to do a fishtail braid

34) learn how to use Adobe Illustrator

35) learn how to use Photoshop

36) learn how to make pottery on a wheel

37) press flowers in books

38) learn how to curl my hair with a curling iron

39) learn how to paint with oil paints

40) learn how to bind books

Travel:

41) go to a music festival

42) visit Victoria in New Jersey

43) visit Phoebe in Colorado

44) go on a trip with friends

Photo credit: Winnie :)

45) go on a trip alone

46) visit a new country

47) visit 5 new U.S. cities

48) go to Mood Fabrics in NYC

49) visit London again

50) go on a road trip somewhere

Wake me up, before you go go.

51) go camping

52) visit Victoria in Wisconsin

53) go on "The Price is Right"

Organization: 

54) write at least 1 blog post a week

55) get sewing machines tuned up

56) organize study abroad photos & souvenirs

57) repair all vintage cameras √

58) get at least 5 new blog followers

This has nothing to do with getting organized, I just really like this GIF.

Cooking:

59) learn how to bake naan

60) go wine tasting

61) take a cooking class

62) throw a dinner party

63) cook Rachael's rice wrap recipe from Tahoe

64) learn how to cook something other than pasta & stir fry
65) try a new ethnicity of food

No explanation needed.

Confidence Boosting:

66) get a manicure once a month & a pedicure once every 2-3 months

67) sing in a karaoke bar

68) write a letter about life to future Sydney

69) feel confident wearing a bikini

70) take a selfie every day for 1001 days

I promise I'm not a narcissist. I just want to do this so at the end of this challenge I can see how I've physically changed over the years. 

71) give my number to a random, cute guy

72) take another pole dancing class

73) invest in nice lingerie

74) wear at least one risky outfit per week

75) make a list of positive things about myself every day for a month

76) inspire someone to complete this challenge

Fun Stuff:

77) compile a notebook of my favourite lyrics

78) go to at least 10 concerts 

79) go apple picking

80) go to a New Year's Eve party & kiss someone at midnight

I mean, this is what usually happens, so...

81) watch all of the Star Wars movies

82) visit a new neighbourhood of Chicago once a month until graduation

83) get another piercing

84) watch at least 5 new T.V. shows

85) buy a new record every 1-2 months

Education:

86) read at least 10 books

87) get a 4.0 at least one quarter before graduating 

88) visit an art museum at least once every 3 months

89) graduate from Northwestern with a major in Psychology, a minor in Art History, & a certificate in Integrated Marketing

Adulthood:

90) put $25 into savings every month

91) move into my own apartment

92) buy stock in a company

93) land at least one new client for CivitasNow

94) collect all loose change in a jar

Fake it 'til you make it.

Helping the World & Improving My Soul:

95) become more involved in Chi Omega

96) reconnect with an old friend

97) volunteer at least once a month (animal shelter, nursing home, planting trees, etc.)

98) go to church at least once a month

99) genuinely compliment a stranger once a week

100) pray at least every other day

101) adopt a shelter dog

So, there you have it, folks! I realize some of the things on my list may be embarrassing or stupid or trivial, or maybe even impossible to achieve; but I don't care. I love my list and I'm so ready to complete these things. I'll update this blog post over the next 1001 days, so keep checking back to see my progress. And hey, if you want to do anything on this list with me, gimme a ring! (Or, you know, a text message/Facebook message/carrier pigeon, whatevs).

It's time for me to take control of my life. I actually want to seize the days of my life instead of just pinning cute "Carpe Diem" prints on Pinterest. 

It's time to kick some "101 Things in 1001 Days Challenge" ass.

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"We cannot become what we want to be by remaining what we are."

-Max DePree